So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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