So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
