"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize