this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
