it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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