I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I can't put those talents on a resume
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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