It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
