so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
