Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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