You can't motorboat a personality
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
