he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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