It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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