WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
