and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
