i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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