Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
