Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
