Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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