I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
