i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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