whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
