What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
