I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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