are you still at the devil's house?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize