just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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