so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
