dude i'm inner monologue high
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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