wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
