please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
