Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
