I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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