I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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