In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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