How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
