Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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