there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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