you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
