And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
