Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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