just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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