We're like a lot better than the average bears
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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