I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
