you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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