I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
