wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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