apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
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Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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