I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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