he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
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By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
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You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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