you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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