this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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