the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
