allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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