I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
