Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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