don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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