I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
