Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my phone needs a breathalizer
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Houston, we have a squirter
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
