then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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