Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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