someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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