I'm laying in your front yard are you home
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she peed on how many people?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
