I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
