careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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