I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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