Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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