happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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